lost and confused

[gallandof]

not sur where to begin with this, but in my head just getting it out there is going to help. I'm not asking everyone to read this nor do I expect it.

last night my girlfriend told me that she is no longer happy with our relationship and that we need to take time apart. This came as a huge surprise as I thought everything was going well (doesn't everyone in this situation though). We talked for a few hours, trying to just calm each other down. We decide it will be better off to talk in person. so we go drive around for another few hours talking about our flaws. I am not a very emotional person, so I was having a very hard time even talking let alone expressing myself emotionally. It seems like we got a lot off of our chests in regards to what was causing issues in the relationship, but she decided she still thinks time off is going to be best.

I completely respect her decision, but I am just having such a hard time coping and dealing with this. every minute I find myself picking up the phone to call her or text her. just today I've called and burst into tears 3 times and all that comes from the call is me apologizing for calling in the first place.

now we have been together for 6 years last october, and I've dedicated my life to her and work trying to get us everything we could want or need, because of such I have very few if any friends who want anything to deal with me. I have no family to talk to theyve abandoned me long ago everything i know is telling me to take my mind off of things but nothing i seem to do helps.

one of the biggest concerns she had with me is that I cant make my own decisions and put too much on her. I really am not ready to lose her in this time of my life but i'm so afraid of pushing her away more by trying to fix things.

sorry for the rant.

 

[Yeahha]

I feel for you man. But like you said you respect her decision. If part of her problem was you can't make your own decisions then this is a great opportunity to work on that. IMO from what you have said the best thing you can do is give her some space. When you pick up the phone to call her put it back down and don't call her.

I can understand how you feel about it and I can't tell you of anything you can do to remove the situation from your mind. You can try to focus on other stuff. Talking here on AF, watching movies or shows, listening to music, doing something else you like...will help distract you and ast time goes by you will think about it less.

If she just wants a break you may find that after some time she starts contacting you again once you have grown some everything could work out.

If you feel you need friends I am sure there are plenty of people on AF that will talk to you and be your friend. Personally I talk to a lot more people here than I do elsewhere

 

[dan330]

sorry.. to hear that dude... it sucks.
but you need to move on..
holding on to hope .. will only make this pain longer.

if she comes back.. you can deal with it later.. if she comes back.

now for you... when i read your post..
you cut all the ties to have a relationship with her..
when you count on her to make most decisions..

it sounds like you are choking her .. making her feel overly stressed out being the center of everything... she wants a partner, someone that she can lean on too.

get back to making new friends.. and let the next girlfriend have time with her friends too. time apart is not a bad thing! so that you can bring new thing/experiences back into relationship.

 

[ChiweN]

Don't take what I say as me trying to rile you up, but I'd like to be honest with you. A woman saying she wants space, or a man for that matter, usually spells doom for the relationship.

This usually means that she has actually been thinking about this for quite some time, and she DID decide she wants to be away from you. This is not a good thing at all, and from my experience the relationship is usually over at this point.

I'm not saying that this is always the case and you should give up hope, but I wouldn't hold on to her for too long letting her string you along. It'll only make things harder and the relationship that much harder to let go of. Don't be surprised if she decides that she just 'wants to be friends'.

I know it sucks bro, but you owe it to yourself to not let this drag out and hurt you for too long. Good luck man.

 

[gallandof]

thank you, one of the hardest things for me is im a very logical person and this is new territory for me, so just hearing this as advice from people who have been through similar situations or have more experience is very helpful.

 

[ryancmatchett]

I am sorry to hear that and hope the best..for you both as that is one of the biggest parts of life..both of you must do what's best for you individually!!
I went through something very similar about 5 years ago, but it happened after 5 years of marriage...the day she found out she was pregnant with our first child. That day she packed her stuff and moved back to her parents without an explanation until later when she actually took my calls again...3 months later, talking meeting and phone calls...I had to make a conscious decision to do what was best for me, and trust she would do the same for herself. I moved on, made friends again, moved 100 miles away, started a new job...now my daughter is 5, I am getting remarried in September, and happy. I found that I could be happy. Not saying this is your path, everyone has their own, but for me, I had to realize what I was doing that was wrong in THAT relationship and fix myself, get straight in my own head. And that worked for me...still have issues, but I know that getting my own head right was the answer for me.
AF is a great place to rely on, find a new hobby, or meet some new people. A great escape, but you have to get right with your life, not try so hard to make someone else's life into yours....and all will come together.
Good luck and keep on truckin' my friend!!!

 

[Unforgiven]

I really feel for you gallandof, it sucks when relationships end or change. A lot of nice folks above me have eloquently given you advice to that point.

I just wanted to let you know that using AF as an escape sometimes is fine with me. I know I've done it. Like you, I am very reserved with my emotions, and the semi-anonymity that you get here makes it easier to open up.