M
Member243850
Guest
Sorry for the "heavy" title but I sometimes seriously need answers...
There is something I just cannot get off my mind sometimes and for some reason I must dig deeper... it is calling me out...
I just want to say I am an extremely loving person... I really wish at the end of the day that everyone could love everyone else and that everyone could live happily ever after... but this is not a fairy tale... and this sadly is not a good world at all...
I don't hate anyone really ... I am such a loving soul.
I have not had an easy life at all by any means... I have had to fight to the death almost to get where I am today... I feel like my mind and body have taken one hell of a beating...
I had a stressful and strict upbringing where it was so intense at times that I was not even allowed to eat with my fork upside down or I would be threatened... and told I was a loser... my house was a very stressful and strict place with screaming and yelling if I didn't do something 111110000000% correct... I guess I was treated like an animal rather than a human being...
I was almost constantly being yelled at... and my life has not been a bed of roses (without the thorns) but compared to so many people out there.... yes I have had it "tough" but some people have had it even a MILLION TIMES WORSE than me.... and god seems like a disgusting sadistic bastard...
I have always wondered why god (I don't give a shit about giving that bastard a capitol letter any more - a sign of disrespect) even if that mother ****er exists as to why it didn't make life just a LITTLE BIT fairer / nicer and calmer for everyone to have a happy and peaceful life...
Is god a sadistic peace of shit?
I have wanted peace for as long as I can remember ... I have never wanted to fight people... I am an extremely loving person... in fact you could say I love people a little bit too much and care very deeply for everyone but sometimes because things are not fair or correct I find it hard to understand what the hell is god's problem...
And just like a true INFP... I really would love peace and happiness more than anything in the whole world... I am trying to get success just so I can get peace - what I so madly crave... I don't really want success... I just want happiness and peace!
I ask a very serious question that I now believe I will NEVER get the answer to it (something I seriously need an answer to because it is such an important question) because every time I try to figure it out I am just left even more clueless than before...
If god is even real and it even gives a shit ... THEN WHY did it make NOTHING FAIR IN LIFE???
I am thinking of becoming a Buddhist!
Maybe I can FINALLY get the peace and happiness I so desperately need and I am in search of...
But even then I always wonder....
What kind of father (that can do ANYTHING it wants to) creates children (UNEQUALLY) and THEN lets them "duke" it out????
What kind of sick freak does this!?!
There is something I just cannot get off my mind sometimes and for some reason I must dig deeper... it is calling me out...
I just want to say I am an extremely loving person... I really wish at the end of the day that everyone could love everyone else and that everyone could live happily ever after... but this is not a fairy tale... and this sadly is not a good world at all...
I don't hate anyone really ... I am such a loving soul.
I have not had an easy life at all by any means... I have had to fight to the death almost to get where I am today... I feel like my mind and body have taken one hell of a beating...
I had a stressful and strict upbringing where it was so intense at times that I was not even allowed to eat with my fork upside down or I would be threatened... and told I was a loser... my house was a very stressful and strict place with screaming and yelling if I didn't do something 111110000000% correct... I guess I was treated like an animal rather than a human being...
I was almost constantly being yelled at... and my life has not been a bed of roses (without the thorns) but compared to so many people out there.... yes I have had it "tough" but some people have had it even a MILLION TIMES WORSE than me.... and god seems like a disgusting sadistic bastard...
I have always wondered why god (I don't give a shit about giving that bastard a capitol letter any more - a sign of disrespect) even if that mother ****er exists as to why it didn't make life just a LITTLE BIT fairer / nicer and calmer for everyone to have a happy and peaceful life...
Is god a sadistic peace of shit?
I have wanted peace for as long as I can remember ... I have never wanted to fight people... I am an extremely loving person... in fact you could say I love people a little bit too much and care very deeply for everyone but sometimes because things are not fair or correct I find it hard to understand what the hell is god's problem...
And just like a true INFP... I really would love peace and happiness more than anything in the whole world... I am trying to get success just so I can get peace - what I so madly crave... I don't really want success... I just want happiness and peace!
I ask a very serious question that I now believe I will NEVER get the answer to it (something I seriously need an answer to because it is such an important question) because every time I try to figure it out I am just left even more clueless than before...
If god is even real and it even gives a shit ... THEN WHY did it make NOTHING FAIR IN LIFE???
I am thinking of becoming a Buddhist!
Maybe I can FINALLY get the peace and happiness I so desperately need and I am in search of...
But even then I always wonder....
What kind of father (that can do ANYTHING it wants to) creates children (UNEQUALLY) and THEN lets them "duke" it out????
What kind of sick freak does this!?!